Islah Reconciliation in The Iddah Period as Resolution of Divorce based on Sigmund Freud's Perspective

Anisul Fuad*, Sugianto, Sumanta, Edy Setyawan

IAIN Syekh Nurjati Cirebon, West Java, Indonesia

Article Information		ABSTRACT
Received: February 19, 2023 Revised: February 28, 2023 Approved: March 20, 2023 Online: March 24, 2023		Divorce is heavily influenced by emotional and psychological factors of husband and wife in litigation. Before the process of determining a divorce decision, Islamic law regulates reconciliation which can be a solution to divorce cases by trying to re-establish an understanding of husband and wife togetherness to be re-established. This study aims to explain the context of reconciliation as a resolution to divorce from Sigmund Freud's perspective. This research uses descriptive qualitative method. The results of the study show that the decision to divorce between husband and wife is often present due to the presence of ego in either husband or wife who feels the need to be understood but does not get reciprocity as expected. In addition, the decision to divorce is also influenced by basic human instincts that want to satisfy their desires, either with or without careful consideration. Therefore, islah reconciliation as a resolution is a wise step in which the path of islah reconciliation is carried out by raising the awareness of the husband and wife about the main purpose of marriage.
Keywords
Iddah; Reconciliation Islah; Sigmund Freud; Divorce

INTRODUCTION

Marriage is a sunnatullah (natural law) which is not only carried out by humans, but also animals and even plants. Natural science scholars say that most things consist of two pairs, like the water we drink, consisting of oxygen and hydrogen, in electricity there are also positive and negative (Sahrani, 2011). As in QS al-Dzariyat: 49:

"And everything we created in pairs so that you remember (the greatness of Allah SWT)."

In the human context, Allah SWT created men and women so that they could complement each other. Allah SWT knows that women are the best companions for men, just as men are the best companions for women. Neither is it higher nor is it lower. Because, the high and low position of a person before Allah SWT is not determined by gender, but is measured by his piety (M. Quraish Shihab, 2013). Both men and women, both are obliged to create a harmonious situation, especially in marriage. Marriage is also a very important and important thing, because it is through this bond that a man and a woman form a vessel called a family, with which they can find happiness, tranquility, and integrated love and affection between household and faith (Shihab, 1992). Through marriage bonds too, humans can love one another, establish family relationships and continue offspring (Bawarni & Mariani, 1993).

Furthermore, the family as the smallest unit in the structure of society, and the building of marriage or marriage consisting of fathers, mothers and children, certainly always hopes to create a life that is sakinah, mawaddah, warahmah. However, there are still many who cannot make it happen, due to various factors that cause family disharmony such as psychological, biological, economic, ideological, organizational factors, even cultural differences and educational levels between husband and wife. As stated by Rofiq Hidayat in online law that the factors causing divorce based on the jurisdiction of PA (Religious Courts) throughout Indonesia are dominated by the factors of constant disputes and quarrels, then the economy and finally leaving one of the parties (R. Hidayat, 2018). Whereas in the hadith narrated by Abu Dawud and Ibn Majah, that talak or divorce is an act that is lawful and most hated by Allah SWT (Sulaiman, 1996).

In 2021, divorce data reached 447,743 cases, with details of 110,400 divorces and 337,343 lawsuits. This figure is higher than in the previous two years, namely 291,677 cases in 2020 and 439,002 cases in 2019. In general, more wives file for divorce than husbands, out of 447,743 cases 75.34% occur due to contested divorce (khulu'), namely cases whose lawsuit was filed by the wife who had been terminated by the PA (Religious Court), and 24.66% occurred due to divorce, namely cases whose application was filed by the husband which had been terminated by the PA (Religious Court) (Dzulfarah, 2022).

The phenomenon of high divorce rates as mentioned above occurs because of three things, namely: first, because of a cultural shift that is becoming more open. Second, the decline in the meaning and value of marriage. And thirdly because of the weak understanding of religion (Kustini & Rashidah, 2016). Divorce (talak) is indeed the final way if there is no solution for both (husband and wife) to make peace (ishlah). But, even though divorce is the last resort to resolve conflicts in a household, it is not impossible to reconstruct the life of a household that is experiencing these disputes. For this reason, Islam prescribes an 'iddah in the event of a divorce, which means that the shari'ah provides opportunities for families who experience divorce, as one of the benefits of 'iddah is to provide an opportunity for both (husband and wife) to think clearly and maturely to try again. rebuild a family that is sakinah mawaddah warahmah as they want (Al-Zuhaili, 2016), but only applies to wives who have been consummated or have had conjugal relations (Nuruddin, 2006).

The above efforts, namely to rebuild after a divorce, are called reconciliation. Scholars agree that reconciliation is permissible in Islam and is given as a last alternative to reconnect the disconnected physical and spiritual relationship and only applies to wives who are undergoing a period of 'iddah divorce raj'i, namely one and two divorces. As in QS al-Baqarah verse 228 which is the basis for the permissibility of reference, that if you want improvement (ishlah) in the relationship between husband and wife, then the husband has more right to refer to the wives who are in the waiting period ('iddah). And based on one of the hadiths of the Prophet SAW narrated by Imam Bukhari and Muslim, where at that time there was an incident of a husband divorcing his wife while menstruating. Then Umar bin Khattab asked the Messenger of Allah SAW, answered by him SAW by ordering that the husband refer his wife and explain the tempo 'iddah for the divorced, namely by withholding until it has been holy from the state of menstruation a second time, then the husband may continue to detain or divorce her, as long as it has not been interfered with (Sohari & Salimi, 2008).

Based on articles 164, 165 and 167 in the Indonesian KHI (Compilation of Islamic Law) a husband who is going to refer his wife needs to get the wife's approval. Whereas in QS al-Baqarah verse 228 it is stated that "husbands have more right to refer their wives" and the majority of the opinion of the Ulama of Madzhab fiqh also states that the right to refer fully belongs to the husband in accordance with the ijma' of scholars that the husband has the right to refer to his wife in divorce raj'i during the period of 'iddah regardless of the willingness of the wife or guardian (Mas'udi, 2007). KHI also uses the language interpretation of the verse to stipulate that reconciliation must be with the wife's approval. The interpretation of the verse is not only based on the explicit meaning of the text (dalalah al'ibarah), but also the implied meaning (dalalah al-isharah), that is, if the husband has more rights (ahaqu) in matters of reconciliation, it means that the wife also has rights, even if a little and passive. Also influenced by considerations of the context of Indonesian society (al-'Urf), without having to abandon the explicit meaning of the text. Because the two (al'Urf and nash) go hand in hand, as the rules of Ta'yin bi al-'Urf ka Ta'yin bi al-Nash (provisions based on community habits are the same as the provisions of the texts) (Nuroniyah, 2016).

However, according to some scholars, this referral does not require the wife's permission and approval, while the existing rules in the Indonesian legal system require the wife's permission to refer to her husband. Reference permits are needed with the aim of avoiding harm and damage, according to the rules of Dar al-Mafasid wa Jalb al-Mashalih (Mubarok, 2002). And the rules regarding the wife's permission in referring to the husband are included in the tawsiqi requirements or additional conditions besides the syar'I requirements (Al-zahaili, 2011).

The implementation of the term of reconciliation in Indonesia also varies, at least the method of reconciliation or settlement of divorce cases used by Indonesian Muslims to date is in two ways: they refer according to Islamic law. Second, is through government institutions, namely the Islamic Religious Courts which are located in all district cities throughout Indonesia. And in the treasury of Islamic law, the differences in the procedures for referring to referrals are considered valid, including: First, Imam al-Shafi'i stated that reconciliation cannot occur except through words. According to Shafi'i fiqh, there are two clear words (sharih) and symbolic words (kinayah). Sharih utterances do not need intentions, while kinayah still requires intentions. Second, Imam Malik is of the opinion that reconciliation is legal by having intercourse with the wife and the husband intends to refer his wife, and according to Imam Malik this behavior has the same power as words and intentions. Third, Imam Abu Hanifah has a view of reconciliation by direct intercourse with either intention or not. And Fourth, Imam Hambali stated that reconciliation only occurs after the husband has intercourse with his wife even though the man does not intend to reconcile, if this relationship is limited to kissing or touching accompanied by lust, then reconciliation will not occur (Rushid, 2007).

Islamic law has provided a settlement solution to a divorce, namely by giving advice, separating, through decisive actions that educate, and appointing a magistrate or peacemaker (Djuaini, 2016). In the study of the Koran, household conflicts consist of nusyuz and syiqaq. For these two types of conflict, the Qur'an provides a technical solution to this by ishlah (peaceful). In household conflicts, the resolution of disputes between husband and wife in the nusyuz case must be resolved in stages and in an educative manner. Likewise, the syiqaq conflict must be resolved by sending a hakam (peacemaker), which is contained in QS al-Nisa verse 35. Wahbah al-Zuhaili said, a hakam is a peacemaker who comes from the husband and wife. This envoy can be from the family or professional circles (al-Khabir). A judge must also be an expert in his field and must maintain the confidentiality of his client's problems (Khifdzon 'ala al-Asrar al-Zaujiyyah). Therefore, in his view, it is better if the hakam comes from the family of the disputing party (Al-Zuhaili, 2016). As reinforced in the principles of mediation according to Ruth Carlton, there are 5 basic principles of mediation known as the five basic philosophies of mediation, namely: (1) confidentiality, (2) volunteer, (3) empowerment, (4) neutrality, and (5) unique solution (Hoynes et al., 2004).

Even the Supreme Court (MA) has regulated this peace effort, including SEMA (Supreme Court Circular Letter) Number 1 of 2002, regarding the empowerment of the First High Court to implement peaceful institutions, Instructing all the Panel of Judges who hear cases, to earnestly seek peace with apply the provisions of Article 130 HIR (Het Herziene Inlandsch Reglement/Reglemen Indonesia) and Article 154 RBg (Reglement Tot Regeling Van Het Rechtswezen In De Gewesten Buiten Java En Madura/ Procedural Law Regulations for Regions Outside Java and Madura), but because several key matters have not been explicitly regulated in the SEMA, the Supreme Court (MA) issued PERMA (Supreme Court Regulation) Number 2 of 2003 and PERMA Number 1 of 2008 regarding procedures mediation at the Court of first instance which regulates the procedures for carrying out mediation. However, after an evaluation was carried out, it turned out that there were several problems so that the application was not effective in court. So that PERMA Number 2 of 2003 and PERMA Number 1 of 2008 were revised and refined with PERMA Number 1 of 2016 as an effort to clarify and accelerate and facilitate the resolution of disputes that must be carried out mediation related to the litigation process in court (PERMA RI. Number 2 of 2003, n.d.).

However, even though the provisions regarding peace efforts (al-Shulh) have been regulated, in reality on the ground it has not been running optimally for years. The implementation of peace efforts is only a formality in court. The judge was not serious in seeking peace and the parties also did not see the importance of peace efforts. This is proven by the low level of success or effectiveness of dispute resolution through peace efforts. Therefore, it can be seen how the urgency of the ishlah strategy to refer to the 'iddah period which is a problem in Indonesia, needs to be investigated by the author.

Based on the problems above, in this case the author analyzes it using Sigmund Freud's perspective on human personality. The author uses this theory because it assumes, first, that divorce is more influenced by the emotional and psychological factors of the litigants, so divorce cases between husband and wife are matters that are closely related to psychological aspects (Harwati, 2021). And secondly, someone who wants to separate from their partner must have felt discomfort, even physical or psychological suffering that lasts a long time. The greater the pressure that exists, on a person, means the greater his desire to separate from his partner. Internal factors of the litigants, especially psychological factors can support the success of a mediation. Thus, the study aims to explain the context of reconciliation as a resolution to divorce from Sigmund Freud's perspective

METHODS

This study uses a descriptive qualitative method through in-depth interviews with 3 informants who have experienced divorce. Qualitative descriptive method is used to describe the situation of husband and wife who managed to refer specifically and in depth. Research begins with formulating the problem, selecting data, selecting data collection techniques, analyzing data, presenting data, and making research conclusions.

RESULTS & DISCUSSION

The first informant is (male) aged 47 (widower) who is married to a widow with children. year tells about her divorce that happened on December 21, 2022 at the age of 3 months of marriage. The condition of the household before the divorce is said to be an ordinary household. There are some unfulfilled expectations as a shared commitment that after the marriage his wife needs to leave her job as a teacher. Hope husband, wife at home and focus on household affairs. After being married for about 2 months, the wife still continues her work to teach with the duration of leaving at 06.30 to 17.00 WIB. Divorce was actually not the choice of informant A. Before the divorce, the husband and wife had been separated for one week where each lived in his house. One week apart, according to the narrative of the informant, he met his wife and at that time his wife was in a state of anger and then there was quite a loud discussion where the wife wanted to keep working and wanted to defend her child more than joining her husband. His wife has two biological children, but has to live far apart because she has to follow her husband who also has children. Because the situation was not conducive, the husband answered with emphasis:

"Yo wes siki awake dewe paseduluran wae (yes, from now on we are just brothers)." (Statement of the first informant)

The sentence is meant to show that the husband has the intention to divorce. Divorce then occurs religiously and is considered to have no influence and life goes on as usual. But finally through reconciliation, the first informant reconciled with his wife after one week of divorce.

The second informant, a woman who is divorced in 2021. Divorce is caused by domestic violence so the wife demands a divorce because she is afraid it will happen again. Previously, they had never fought, felt harmonious, until there was domestic violence in January 2021. From the wife's side, she feels that what she has done is always lacking in her husband's eyes. So that the wife feels better living alone than husband. After the divorce, the wife also feels better because she is used to being independent.

It's been a hard life but underestimated. It's better to live alone, the important thing is to be healthy, to be patient in taking care of the children. Fortune exists. (Statements of the second informant)

During the iddah period, the second informant tried to reconcile with her husband (spouse) and tried to do self-introspection. The goal is to be able to improve the household because of the consideration of the children. In the end, this second informant decided to reconcile with her husband because of the consideration of the children. At the beginning of reconciliation, it was difficult because of fear of domestic violence again, but because of the intention to have a complete family for the happiness of the children, both husband and wife kept trying.

The third informant, is a wife who divorced her husband in 2008. The trigger for divorce is a lack of communication when there is a problem and a lack of trust between husband and wife. The cause of the lack of communication is also due to long-distance relationships. Divorce was wanted by the wife, until during the iddah period it was conveyed that this third informant did not want to make peace (ishlah) even though it had been mediated by her grandmother. Until finally it was time to decide to reconcile with the consideration that the husband had changed, often attended recitations, was more mature, patient, and caring. The main reason for referring back is the consideration of the child.

Children are the happiness of the world and the hereafter, their happiness is when they are with their father (Tell the third informant)

Based on what was faced by the three informants of this study, Freud's view of the subconscious (conscious mind), the subconscious is where humans store all their direct sensory perceptions, memories, thoughts, imaginations, and feelings. What Freud called the preconscious, or anything that is easily used to summon the conscious, is associated with the use of the conscious mind. For example, memories that although cannot be remembered when thinking, but can be easily recalled, are often also known as available memories. These two layers are quite normal, but according to Freud, they contain the smallest part of the mind.

The subconscious (unsoncious mind) is the biggest component. This section includes all that is very difficult to bring to awareness, such as lust and instincts, and all that enters due to inaccessibility, such as bitter memories or trauma-related emotions. Whether it is the basic desire for food or sex, neurotic forces, or the inspiration that drives an artist or scientist to work, Freud claimed that the subconscious is the source of a person's motivation and drive. In the second informant, his subconscious is related to the trauma of domestic violence experienced when he was married and became the main cause of divorce. For Freud, Wants are psychological outcomes, whereas needs are physical stimuli that result from psychological outcomes. A person's behavior is motivated by desire. For example, when someone is hungry, they are looking for food. Here, instinct serves as the main motivator of personality. Not only drives instincts, but also controls behavior (Hall and Lindzey, 1993: 69).

Freud also argued that all human behavior is based on lust or instinct, where instinct is the brain's representation of biological and physical needs. This instinct was originally known as the "life instinct" by Freud. Individual human desires stem from this instinct. In the context of divorce before referring to informants 1, 2, and 3, it shows that divorce is a representation of actions from the subconscious-conscious-memories. Likewise, at the time of reconciliation, instinctive considerations based on the need for a partner, a complete and harmonious family, happy children are part of the instincts of life that encourage divorced couples to reunite.

CONCLUSION

This research concludes that the main driver of divorce experienced by research informants is the strong ego of the subconscious of each party (husband and wife) which causes both of them to defend their views without trying to find a way out together. Her husband's ego pushes her to bring out the masculinity side that a man is the leader of the family who always has to follow his will. This ego also arises because the husband feels he no longer feels valuable because he lost his job so he feels unable to meet the needs of the family. On the other hand, his wife's ego pushes him to become a person who feels that he has never been valued for his opinion so that he becomes stressed and depressed. Then, reconciliation which was encouraged through mediation during the iddah period succeeded in reuniting the husband and wife informants by raising awareness of togetherness and fond memories of the past as well as the common struggles that had been carried out and the goals of marriage that had been agreed upon, especially related to children. By awakening this shared awareness (referred to by Freud as the conscious mind) and bringing up available memories, it is possible to restore the husband and wife bond.

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